


of ghosts and regrets

by Akane21



Series: when a new day comes for us [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, Ghosts, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 11:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24849361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akane21/pseuds/Akane21
Summary: In search for answers, Naruto goes to find the ancient temple of Jashin. A lone old priest awaits him there—and instead of answers, he offers more mysteries to solve.
Relationships: Kakuzu/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: when a new day comes for us [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816597
Kudos: 12





	of ghosts and regrets

“So this is it?” Naruto looks at the shape of the building far away.

It looks pretty much like he’d imagine a temple. Simple in design, but nevertheless impressive; perhaps because of the size. He would need to come closer to see it in detail, but even from here the temple casts an uneasy feeling over him. He isn’t sure why.

Perhaps it’s because he knows _whose_ temple this is.

“Yes,” his guide, a former Yugakure shinobi, nods and shudders uncomfortably. So he’s not the only one feeling that. “The temple of Jashin. It’s all but abandoned, now. Nobody goes there. You could say it scares people away.”

“With a reputation like that, it has to,” Naruto mutters.

Kakuzu scoffs but refrains from any comment—not like the woman would hear him anyway. He continues to be skeptical about all this, even after being resurrected, dying again and coming back in this strange state.

Nobody can see or hear him except Naruto. He can’t walk farther than a few feet away from him. He doesn’t have a physical body now—whenever Naruto tries to touch him, he feels nothing but cold air.

At times, Naruto isn’t sure he’s not just imagining things. Perhaps he’s just gone crazy. But even so, Kakuzu’s presence brings him some comfort—even like this.

“Uzumaki-sama?” The shinobi’s voice brings him to reality. She looks at him with slight concern, and Naruto tries his best to smile reassuringly. “I can’t go in there with you.”

“I wouldn’t ask that of you, Kyo-san,” he finally remembers her name. “I’m grateful that you showed me the way.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Kyo falls silent for a while. She isn’t that old, but definitely older than him; there are sharp age lines at the corners of her eyes and near her mouth, and her dark hair has some gray strands. She looks... tired.

Naruto thinks that Kyo must have been there at the time of the war. He doesn’t ask her about anything personal—just as she doesn’t ask him—but something in her look just reminds him of those days.

Everything he’d rather not remember.

“You should be careful, Uzumaki-sama,” Kyo says finally. “They say the temple is cursed.”

“Do you believe that?”

She chuckles bitterly. “People don’t return from there. There’s a reason it’s a forbidden place.” She shakes her head. “I must be going now. Be safe.”

“You too, Kyo-san,” Naruto says. Another time, he would have asked more. Now, he doesn’t feel like it. It seems like she doesn’t want to bring up these memories, and Naruto, honestly, doesn’t think it would help him anyway. He already knows that going there might be dangerous, and he’s prepared for anything.

Cool wind blows through his hair, and Naruto closes his eyes for a moment.

He appreciates the attempt, at least.

His thoughts drift back to Himawari. What has become of her—and Hidan? A part of him hopes he’ll find her there, while the other fears it; he doesn’t know what he’d say to her.

Even after everything she has done, Naruto cannot bring himself to hate her. Or even blame her for anything. It’s his fault that things had come to this, after all. If only he’d noticed... if only he’d done something...

But he couldn’t even face the consequences. He left Konoha—he ran, like a coward, away from responsibilities again. He couldn’t face Hinata and Boruto, who he’d hurt so much; couldn’t face Sakura and Sarada who’d lost all they held dear because of him.

He didn’t even have the strength to visit Sasuke’s grave.

His empty eyes still haunt him in nightmares, judging and accusing, and Naruto knows that it’s more than deserved.

Everything that happened was his fault alone.

“Come,” he hears Kakuzu’s unusually soft voice and looks at him, chasing the thoughts away. “We should hurry if you want to get to this temple before nightfall.”

“Yeah,” Naruto says, smiling a little. It comes out strained, not at all like he intended.

He doesn’t feel like he can ever smile the way he used to again.

***

The first thing Naruto notices is how quiet it is—unnaturally quiet. The sun is still high in the sky, and the sight before them seems almost peaceful, but it doesn’t feel that way. He looks around just to make sure, and as he expects, no one is here except them, but the feeling of wrongness doesn’t leave.

The temple looks quite old upon closer inspection, some parts of it almost ruined, and it doesn’t seem like anyone has been taking care of it.

The atmosphere isn’t exactly welcoming, but it’s a little too late to turn back now.

“You think Himawari and Hidan could have also been here?” Naruto asks as they walk through the halls of the temple. His steps echo off the walls, dawning upon him, and he can’t hold an uncomfortable shiver.

This place looks abandoned, just as Kyo said it would be. It’s ancient, perhaps centuries old, and even the air feels strangely heavy here. Cracked walls with moss growing on them, dust on marble floors, almost no light save for bleak sunrays coming through the cracks. In some places, it’s possible to see some old drawings on the walls, but they are damaged beyond recognition. Naruto wonders if the main rooms are in a better state.

“There’s a chance,” Kakuzu replies. He doesn’t really have to walk, but he still does; perhaps out of habit, perhaps as a way to cope with his current state.

Naruto asked him more than once how it actually felt, to be a ghost; and never got a straight answer. Only evasive phrases, like, ‘it’s strange’. Kakuzu didn’t like talking about it.

“It doesn’t look like this place gets many visitors, though,” he continues, and Naruto hums, agreeing.

They fall silent again. It’s not a comfortable silence they used to share a long time ago—it’s filled with tension, and they haven’t discovered anything here yet, so there’s nothing for them to talk about.

It used to be different.

Everything used to be so different.

They walk in silence some more, until they finally reach the large wooden doors—which seem to be in a surprisingly good condition, unlike everything else here. Naruto places his hand on the door, pushing it slightly; to his surprise, it gives in.

“Hey.” Naruto pauses, looking back. Kakuzu stares back, an unreadable expression on his face; Naruto isn’t sure if he’s annoyed, mad or just doesn’t care.

Naruto wants to touch him now. To hold him. But he knows he can’t, and trying will only cause more pain.

“We’ll find something,” he says instead. “Some technique, or a ritual, anything... to bring you back.”

“Only if I don’t have to convert to this cult,” Kakuzu says. This time, there’s a flicker of amusement in his eyes.

That’s better, Naruto thinks. “Being _actually_ immortal wouldn’t be so bad, would it?” he tries to continue the joke.

“Nothing comes without a price.” Any hint of Kakuzu’s joyful mood seems to be gone in an instant.

He might be right here.

Naruto presses his lips together and pushes the door open.

They enter the room—it’s large and light, in strikingly better condition than what they’ve already seen of the temple. There’s something like an altar in the middle, and Naruto has to suppress a nervous laugh when he sees that it’s clean; well, even if someone made sacrifices here, it’s been a very long time ago.

Probably.

Naruto rubs his hands, feeling a little cold. This room certainly looks more welcoming, but he still doesn’t like it here. He doesn’t hear or sense anything suspicious, but he almost feels like they’re being watched.

He tries to shake away this feeling—it’s just the nerves.

There are even more drawings on the walls; it seems a little weird, but then again, Naruto hasn’t been to many temples to say what’s weird or not. Perhaps whatever’s depicted on them is important to the religion or the history of this place.

“I’m beginning to consider Orochimaru a better option,” Kakuzu says in a detached tone, as if not really addressing Naruto.

“He couldn’t help us,” Naruto mutters. “I know he said he’d try to look for a solution, but it’s going to take a while... possibly _too_ long.”

Unsurprisingly, Orochimaru was the first person Naruto thought of. Who else knew everything about weird things? Despite his dislike for the man, Naruto recognized his abilities and, in a way, respected him.

Only it turned out that even Orochimaru couldn’t do anything about the situation they’ve ended up in. The most obvious solution he’d offered was trying to use Edo Tensei—which did not work.

Like all others, Orochimaru couldn’t see Kakuzu or even sense his presence. He didn’t feel that otherworldly cold Naruto constantly felt. At some point, it seemed like he didn’t quite believe Naruto’s story, thinking that he was simply delusional. But he was a scientist first and foremost, and curiosity was probably his main drive.

Orochimaru ran all kinds of tests he could think of on Naruto, asked them both endless questions, and in the end, it all led to nothing. He seemed only encouraged by his failures, but Naruto felt like it was pointless. They weren’t getting anywhere, and they had to consider other ways.

“Staying with him would have proven more useful than wasting our time here.” Kakuzu seems to have a different opinion.

“But we’re not wasting time,” Naruto turns around to look at him. “I think that it’s the place we need. I mean... it’s all about Jashin. Your resurrection, Hidan, Himawari...” he has to swallow a lump in his throat before continuing, “the way Himawari changed... and all these weird dreams I’ve had.”

“Hidan is just a fanatic,” Kakuzu scoffs. “But he can be... persuasive. People fall for promises of power all the time. It’s not surprising that your daughter did, too.”

Naruto shakes his head. “I don’t think it’s that. She was just... lost. She needed someone... and I wasn’t there for her.”

“Either way, there’s nothing mystical in this.”

“Then how do you explain what happened to you?”

To his surprise, Kakuzu averts his gaze. Right. If he had an explanation, he would have given it long ago.

Naruto feels exhausted. He doesn’t want to fight, but lately, too many of their conversations seem to end in some sort of argument. It’s not surprising, in all honesty. It’s hard on both of them, and even harder on Kakuzu, trapped in this state of semi-existence, unable to even get away from Naruto.

He probably needs it sometimes. Probably quite often.

Naruto presses a hand to his face, taking a breath.

“We should get this over with,” Kakuzu says, and Naruto nods silently. But then he adds something that takes him aback. “I apologize.”

“Hey...” Naruto blinks a few times, trying to get rid of the stinging sensation in his eyes. “Don’t. It’s... I understand. We’ll get through it.”

“I envy your optimism sometimes.”

Naruto doesn’t feel all that optimistic, but he knows he can’t just give up.

There’s not much to examine in the room except these pictures on the walls. Seemingly as old as the temple itself, a lot of them are damaged in some ways, but it’s possible to at least vaguely tell what’s going on in them.

People praying, making sacrifices, fighting. On the forward wall, there is an image of some sort of an animal; at its sides, there are people again. They aren’t doing anything and they don’t seem to belong to the same scene—they look more like separate portraits.

Despite everything, Naruto can’t help but think that this place is... impressive. Though it’s probably more the fact that it has preserved quite well.

Kakuzu doesn’t seem to share his opinion, glancing around with the same irritated expression.

“Well... should we take a closer look?” Naruto offers, and receives only a shrug in response.

He walks along the wall, following the images. There’s one that’s almost completely faded, then a few which are mostly intact. A group of worshippers clashing with other shinobi. A lone priestess kneeling beside the altar. Two figures, their features incomprehensible, in a dueling stance. Another big fight. The images seem to blend together after a while, but Naruto still tries to see something in them.

He stops when one drawing catches his eye.

A man stabbing himself in the chest—and another standing on his knees, hand pressed to his heart.

A sacrifice.

Is this what Himawari is doing now?

Naruto’s heart shrinks painfully at the thought; he can’t imagine Himawari, his sweet and kind girl, now killing people for the sake of mad god.

Has she really changed so much—or has he never known her at all?

“What is it?” Kakuzu asks, probably noticing the change in his face.

“Why... why do you think she did that?” Naruto whispers. He has asked himself this question a hundred times, it seems, and he still has no answer.

Kakuzu sighs. “I don’t know. Do you want my honest opinion?” Naruto nods, and he continues, “She’s a child, stupid and selfish. Add to that whatever religious nonsense Hidan fed her.”

Himawari is far from stupid, but Naruto thinks he understands what Kakuzu means. She lacked experience, and that’s why she fell under Hidan’s influence so easily.

It hurts him to think about it; he could have seen that something was wrong, he _saw_ that; but he was too consumed in his own troubles to do anything to help.

If he’s honest, he doesn’t think he can ever truly forgive her for Sasuke’s death. But at least half of the blame lies on him. He should’ve prevented that.

But he didn’t. And now, he doesn’t know if there’s a way to make things right. They will no longer be a family again, not after what happened. Naruto promised Hinata to bring their daughter home, but even if he somehow convinces Himawari to come back, how will he look Sakura and Sarada in the eyes? Not to mention that she still would have to answer for what she did.

Naruto doesn’t know if he wants that.

Maybe the best course of action is to let her choose her own path. But Naruto wants to find her first. Talk to her. Apologize, even though it won’t change anything.

Naruto feels a surge of cold run through him and raises his head. Kakuzu looks at him, serious and understanding.

“I’m not saying you did everything right.” His hand is on Naruto’s shoulder, and even though this weightless touch doesn’t help much, it’s still a little reassuring—to have him here. “But what she’d done was not your fault. After all, you couldn’t have known that your daughter would somehow stumble upon Hidan’s grave.”

“Maybe.” Naruto sighs, closing his eyes for a moment. “I still have no idea how that happened. That’s a little too convenient for a coincidence, don’t you think?”

“Perhaps, but I doubt it’s anything supernatural,” Kakuzu responds. “An unfortunate turn of events.”

“Will anything ever convince you?” Naruto jokes half-heartedly. A familiar argument feels somewhat calming.

“I doubt it,” Kakuzu repeats. “Unless you’ve noticed something already..?”

Naruto shakes his head. “It’s just, well, sacred drawings? I don’t know. Doesn’t seem like there are any hidden clues...” catching Kakuzu’s skeptical glance, he adds, “We just have to keep looking!”

“Lead the way, then,” Kakuzu says flatly.

The images on the wall behind the altar, which they could see immediately upon entering the room, do seem to be more important than others, judging by their placement and size. Naruto isn’t sure what this importance is—it’s not like they depict Jashin’s appearance... or maybe they do, in a way.

“Do you think that this could be... Jashin?” Naruto places his hand on the drawing of a strange beast, slightly resembling a wolf, with its eyes glowing white. It’s in the middle, so it probably has to bear a larger significance.

And who said gods have to resemble humans, anyway.

“If Hidan’s god is _this,_ no wonder he’s lost his mind,” Kakuzu grimaces slightly. He doesn’t seem impressed by the pictures, but studies them closely. “These are old, but they look much better than those we saw earlier. Somebody has put a lot of effort into preserving this little cult.”

“Why do you keep denying that it’s all real?” Naruto wonders, tracing his fingers along the rough surface of the wall. Next to the beast, there is a drawing of a man, dressed in white, with white hair and eyes. A worshipper, perhaps? The drawing isn’t very detailed, but there’s something familiar in the style of clothing—and the whole look. “With all that’s happened... I think that a crazy god being responsible is actually a good explanation.” He laughs, quiet and bitter.

Some part of him would like to blame everything on some higher power. But deep inside, he knows that it was his choices that led to this point.

Kakuzu doesn’t respond for a while, and Naruto begins to think that he won’t. But then he finally speaks, barely audibly.

“If I believe in gods, my life will no longer be my own.”

Naruto turns to him, but he looks away, a deep frown crossing his face. “All my life, I’ve fought to make my own choices. To have that taken away from me...”

He doesn’t finish, but Naruto thinks he understands. He reaches out, almost touching Kakuzu’s arm—but his hand goes through air, meeting no resistance. Kakuzu grins wryly and shakes his head.

“Focus on the drawings. Perhaps you can make some sense of them.”

That seems easier said than done.

If he assumes that the beast in the middle is Jashin, the people around might be the priests. Or perhaps the beast is actually the god’s opponent or something like that; and one of the people is the representation of Jashin. Naruto sighs; there’s probably no use in it. The other pictures at least depicted some events and rituals, so they could have told them something; but how can _portraits_ help?

Naruto steps back a little to see the whole picture. The beast is the center of it, the man is at the left, the woman—at the right...

“Wait.” Naruto narrows his eyes, not quite believing what he sees. “This... no, it can’t be.”

“What is it?” Kakuzu leans over his shoulder, a familiar cold enveloping him.

Naruto stares at the drawing of a woman—same white eyes, white long hair, white garments; could it really be _her?_

“Kaguya..?” he mutters, dumbfounded.

“The one who tried to destroy the world,” Kakuzu muses. “The one you defeated.”

Naruto nods slowly. He only ever told him the short rundown of that story; they’ve had plenty of things to discuss concerning the more recent past. And to his shame, Naruto has almost forgotten that the Ōtsutsuki could still be a threat.

Kaguya, called the Rabbit Goddess. Could she be somehow connected to Jashin? Was it even her depicted here?

“I’m not sure...” he mutters. “It reminds me of her, I mean, but... maybe it’s not really her. I don’t know.”

The woman in picture doesn’t have horns, or the third eye— _Rinne Sharingan_ —on her forehead. Instead, she has some strange markings on her face, an intricate red pattern; Naruto glances at the image of the man, and he’s got the same markings, only they’re harder to see because of the damage done by time.

“Hidan had similar markings,” Kakuzu says suddenly. “When he performed his rituals. It would seem logical that if these people are priests of some sort, they’re capable of the same technique.”

“I guess,” Naruto agrees but keeps looking at the wall. The resemblance is hard to ignore, and he’s almost certain it’s not a coincidence.

The woman he saw in his dream... the picture actually looks more like her than Kaguya. But who was she, anyway?

“Only his were black and white.”

“Huh?” Naruto turns around, confused.

Kakuzu shakes his head and explains with an exasperated sigh, “Hidan’s markings. Black skin, white pattern. The markings these people have don’t look quite like the effect of his technique. It seems more like... ritualistic painting, I suppose. Symbolic.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Naruto runs a hand through his hair. He feels like he’s found a hundred more questions by coming here. “Or maybe whoever drew these just ran out of black paint.”

Kakuzu doesn’t even smile at his attempt at a joke. Well, it wasn’t that good. Lightening up the mood doesn’t seem possible lately.

“Did you hear that?” he asks suddenly.

“Hear what?” Naruto frowns, confused—and then hears.

Steps, quiet and certain, definitely not of a wanderer; whoever it is knows where they’re going.

And they’re here.

“Don’t you feel in awe in the holy presence?”

Naruto flinches as he hears somebody’s voice and turns around sharply.

How could he not notice sooner?

From behind the pillar, a man slowly walks towards them. He’s dressed in a plain white kimono, seemingly unarmed, and his moves don’t appear threatening; but Naruto remains cautious just in case.

“Don’t fret,” the man says. “I don’t wish you harm.”

“Who are you?”

He shrugs, unfazed. “Just an old man, living out the rest of my days here.”

Naruto gives him a skeptical look. The man’s short hair is almost white, and he does have a few age lines on his face, but aside from that, he doesn’t look that old. In his forties, at most.

“Appearances are deceiving sometimes,” the man seems to notice his disbelief. “But tell me, what brings you to the temple of Jashin?”

“I...” Naruto begins, but Kakuzu interrupts him.

“Don’t tell him anything. We can’t trust another fanatic.”

Naruto blinks and then looks at the man again.

And sure enough, he has a pendant of a familiar shape hanging on his neck, half-hidden by the layers of clothing.

So he’s also a priest of Jashin. Naruto could have guessed. It’s not like an ordinary person would live here.

“Passing judgement on people before knowing them is narrow-minded,” the man says in a calm, serene voice. “But I’ll forgive you, since the experience you’ve had with us was most unusual.”

He’s looking to Naruto’s left; right at Kakuzu; and Naruto’s glance shifts between them in disbelief. Does this guy see him? Nobody ever does, except for Naruto, so how can this be?

“You bear the mark of Jashin,” the man explains. “That’s how I can see you. And to your question, yes.”

Neither of them asked any questions, Naruto thinks; can he read minds? No, that would be too... On the other hand, his whole life seems to be the definition of crazy now.

“So, uh, my name is Naruto,” he introduces himself, a bit belated. “I’m—”

“Where you come from matters not; why you came here does,” the man interrupts him.

Naruto nods and falls silent, not sure what to say next. They’ve come here looking for answers, and they’ve found someone who could probably shed some light on what’s happened; and yet he hesitates. It’s probably not wise to trust whatever this man says. But do they have any alternative? They could try deciphering the drawing on the walls for who knows how long and still get no results; or they could talk to him and perhaps find out something useful.

Before he can come up with anything, Kakuzu speaks.

“Do you know Hidan?”

There is a certain chance he might; and Naruto isn’t even surprised when the priest nods. “It would be strange if I didn’t.”

Kakuzu stares at him, face as expressionless as ever, and then just shakes his head.

“Did Hidan come here?” Naruto asks.

“Yes, as did his young friend.” _Friend?_ He must be talking about Himawari, Naruto realizes, and his heart seems to skip a beat. “There are traces of them all over, don’t you see?”

Naruto looks around just to be sure—but there’s nothing. He doesn’t even sense their chakra; if they were here, it’s been a while since then.

“Yes,” Kakuzu says suddenly.

Naruto frowns. “I don’t sense anything...”

“Of course. Because you are alive.” The man smiles ever so slightly. “And untouched by Jashin’s grace.”

“Did you talk to them? Where did they go after? Did Himawari—” Naruto asks hastily—he needs to know if she’s alright; but the man doesn’t let him finish.

“I didn’t show myself to them. My role in my disciple’s life is long over.”

“Disciple?” Naruto asks, confused.

“I was the one who taught Hidan the ways of Jashin.”

“Easily the worst decision of your life,” Kakuzu comments dryly.

The man’s face remains calm. “I did as my god willed. Only the worthy make it through the trials.”

“Isn’t there anything you can tell me?” Naruto clenches his fists. He can’t possibly just say something like this and brush it off like nothing.

“They came here,” the man repeats. “They prayed and talked. Spent the night here and left with the sunrise. Hidan’s intention was to find me, but I did everything not to be seen, so he assumed I was still gone.”

“You didn’t hear if they mentioned where they were going?” Naruto insists, unable to control the desperate hope.

“I didn’t listen,” the man replies simply.

Naruto bites his lip, feeling frustration starting to build up inside of him. Just when he thought he could finally learn something about Himawari, it’s a dead end again.

He’s heard rumors about her and Hidan, that they were seen in this town or the other, but every time he was too late to catch them. Naruto knew that Himawari didn’t want to see him; she thought they’d said all there was to say, but it wasn’t true.

“It doesn’t sound like you were too happy to see your... disciple,” Kakuzu’s voice tears him from his thoughts.

Now that Naruto thinks of it, it is a little strange. Especially if Hidan wasn’t just one of many students, but the only one—which seems to be the case. Though perhaps something happened between them...

“Do not get me wrong.” The man is silent for a while before continuing. “Hidan was always... wild. Following Jashin’s path was a way for him to satisfy his violent urges.”

“As if it’s not the case for all of you,” Kakuzu grimaces.

“No,” the man shakes his head, frowning. He seems almost offended at the notion. “Sacrifice is made with a cold heart. For Hidan, it was more personal.” He closes his eyes for a moment, as if remembering something. “Jashin favored his passion, perhaps seeing sincerity in it. That was why I taught him.” There’s a slight bitterness to his voice.

“Jashin favored him... doesn’t seem like you did.” For a moment, Kakuzu seems almost amused.

“I hold no ill feelings towards Hidan, but no love either. If you wish to confront him, I will not stand in your way. This is between him and you.”

“A wise decision,” Kakuzu agrees.

Naruto says nothing.

He’d lie if he said he doesn’t want Hidan to pay; but he knows that it will not change anything. Revenge never makes anything better, it doesn’t make the pain go away—it’s just an endless cycle of hatred.

On the other hand, it’s not just about him. Hidan _is_ dangerous, and who knows how many people he’s already killed...

 _How many they killed,_ his inner voice corrects him, and Naruto shivers.

Himawari is with Hidan. And she definitely won’t just stand there and watch them fight.

The priest eyes him closely but, contrary to what Naruto expects, doesn’t ask anything.

“I imagine you didn’t come here to talk about Hidan,” he says instead.

“I’m more worried about Himawari,” Naruto says quietly. “Is she okay? Or— was she, when you saw her?”

“The girl who came with him? I know nothing of her. She seemed eager to learn the ways of our faith, and I could see she was here of her own will. That is all.”

That’s a relief—or perhaps not. Naruto doesn’t know what to think. No, he’s glad that Himawari is unharmed... but he probably hoped that she didn’t actually _want_ to do any of this. That it was Hidan’s fault alone.

It’s still so hard accepting the truth; some part of Naruto still refuses to fully believe it.

“Do you wish to know something else?” The man asks.

“Well, um...” Naruto frowns a little. “This place, what can you tell me about it?”

“This is our sacred temple,” the man says. “No more, no less.”

“Our? So there are... other followers? Priests?”

He shakes his head. “Only me and Hidan. And his companion, of course, but she has only started her journey. She is not a full-fledged priestess yet.”

“But why?” Naruto wonders, looking around. “I mean, this temple is huge. Just a few people wouldn’t have been able to build it. And these images... they show a lot of people. You had a whole army once. And if you guys are all immortal, then shouldn’t there be more of you?”

“You present an interesting question.” The man pauses to think. “Yes, there used to be more of us. But Jashin does not grant immortality to everyone, only to those who are worthy of such a gift. Some failed their trials. Some began to doubt as time went on. Some suffered a fate worse than death. This is ancient history. Right now, the three of us are all I know of. If there are others, I have not met them.”

“How ancient are we talking about?” Naruto licks his suddenly dry lips. He doesn’t think he wants to learn more about these ‘trials’, so he asks that instead.

The man shrugs. “Three centuries. Or four? Forgive me; memories get blurry at a certain point.” He closes his eyes, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I recall the old times. I miss them. But the days of our glory are long gone.”

“You didn’t try to...” Naruto pauses, searching for a fitting word, “rebuild your cult?”

“Cult,” he almost scoffs. “We were much more than that. But yes... I did attempt that. I sought young minds who were open to the knowledge. Yet in the end, it is not I who decides.”

“So basically, you failed,” Kakuzu finishes for him. “And Hidan was the only one crazy enough to fall for your myths.”

The priest gives him a heavy look—but, surprisingly enough, doesn’t argue. “You put it in much simpler terms, but you aren’t wrong. People these days have become less trusting.”

Or harder to manipulate, Naruto thinks.

“Or perhaps you are not as good a spiritual leader as you think.” Kakuzu grins suddenly. “You should have met Pein. Much as I disagreed with his ideas,” his smirk bleaks for a second, and Naruto probably knows what he’s thinking about, “he knew how to give a speech.”

“A pity I haven’t met this person, then,” the man says blankly. He doesn’t seem amused, which is quite understandable—Kakuzu doesn’t hide his disrespect at all; but at least he doesn’t look mad, either. “But that matters little now. I will not bore you with stories of days that passed.”

“Sorry,” Naruto says. “I would love to hear more, but right now, we’re more focused on other things...” he trails off, unsure how to continue.

The man nods. “You wouldn’t have come out of simple curiosity. You need something. Jashin sometimes favors non-believers.”

“How kind of him,” Kakuzu mutters under his breath, and Naruto glances at him pleadingly—they shouldn’t anger this man.

“What do you want, then?” the man asks.

“These pictures,” Naruto nods at the wall behind them, “who do they show?”

“These are all different faces of Jashin.” The man follows his gaze, thoughtful. “The god comes to people in a shape they expect to see.”

Naruto can see the logic in this, but is it even possible? Though it’s not like he has enough knowledge to judge.

“So this woman isn’t Kaguya?” he still clarifies, wanting to make sure.

There’s nothing but slight confusion on the man’s face. “No. I don’t know the ‘Kaguya’ you speak of; what you see is yet another face of Jashin.”

“And you don’t know anything about the Ōtsutsuki?” Naruto presses.

“Who?”

“They’re a powerful clan from... you know, it doesn’t matter,” Naruto rubs his forehead. Explaining would take too much time. “You haven’t heard of them. I got it.”

The realization feels strange. The woman depicted on the temple wall, the woman he saw in his dreams... it was Jashin?

“I haven’t left the temple for the past hundred years,” the priest says, a hint of sympathy in his voice. “I care little about the outside world.”

“Then... Could you answer a question concerning your world? Your religion?” Naruto asks.

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up too much, but he can’t help it.

“It depends on the question.”

“Is there a way to resurrect someone?” Naruto exhales, feeling his fingers tremble.

The man’s lips press into a thin line, his eyebrows furrow as he looks at Kakuzu; Naruto doesn’t know what in the question made him react like this.

“There are ways, ones I’m certain you know of,” he finally says. “Forbidden techniques, guarded by their wielders. The cost is high, and sometimes people don’t return as they were.”

Naruto nods silently. He knows. You exchange your life for another’s, or it’s something like Edo Tensei which is only a semblance of life. And neither work in their case.

“But you asked about _our_ ways. One may receive Jashin’s grace—or curse, depending on how you see it,” the man continues. “I imagine it would be within Their power to bring a person back to life, should They wish so. But I have not seen such a thing happen in my life.”

“I... see.” Naruto looks away. He probably should have expected something like this. After all, Jashin sure didn’t seem like a kind god; but for some reason, Naruto thought that perhaps...

“I can’t know everything in my seclusion,” the man says. “Old clans guard their secrets well. Some techniques have simply been forgotten.”

“I understand,” Naruto mutters. “It’s just that... I hoped to find something here. But now... I feel so lost that I have no idea what to do next. How to fix this. Everything that’s happened... if only I...” He trails off, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Stop.” Kakuzu reaches out, his hand hovering just above Naruto’s shoulder, and familiar cold surges through him again.

Words refuse to come to his mind. Naruto thinks that he’s almost reached that point where he finally breaks down; he’s been holding it in for so long, and now they’re here and it seems to be for nothing. This priest seems honest, but at the same time Naruto feels like he’s still keeping some secrets.

Secrets... he’s so tired of being in the dark. How can he possibly make things right when he barely understands what’s going on?

Naruto shakes his head, taking a deep breath, and looks up.

The priest holds his gaze, seemingly untouched by his words. But then something in his expression shifts, so briefly that Naruto isn’t sure if it’s a good sign or not.

“If you seek answers, make an offering,” he finally says.

“An offering?” Naruto repeats—and then feels his insides freeze at the implication. “I have to... kill someone?”

The man chuckles quietly but audibly. “No.” He gestures around the room, at the faded drawings on the wall to their left. Naruto can’t make out whatever’s on them, but this man has probably studied them for quite a while to know. “Offering is not a sacrifice. Kill an animal, burn sacred herbs. I will show you.”

Naruto nods uncertainly.

“Come, then.”

***

“Why are you helping us?” Naruto asks.

They walk through the forest, barely exchanging a few words, intent on finishing this as soon as possible. Naruto feels a lot more comfortable here, away from the temple and its heavy atmosphere.

“I was a fool once too.” The priest stops and kneels to pick up another plant. Naruto doesn’t recognize it, but he’s never been good with those. He takes the plant from the priest’s hand and puts it in the leather satchel, already full of other herbs.

“What do you mean?” he wonders.

“A shadow of my own past is treading behind me,” the man explains simply. His face tenses ever so slightly.

Naruto looks at him—behind him—to make sure, but sees nothing.

“You don’t see her. She is my ghost alone.” The man glances at Kakuzu. “But death tends to expand one’s vision.”

Kakuzu nods, frowning, and with the way he looks to the air behind the man’s shoulder, it seems like he really does see someone. Has he seen her the whole time? Why didn’t he tell?

Naruto still doesn’t see whoever _she_ is, and he doesn’t sense any chakra—or any shift in the air’s temperature. Just like Orochimaru didn’t sense anything weird around him.

_Or perhaps he and this man have both lost their minds._

“She greets you.”

“Oh, I...” Naruto feels awkward, looking into empty space behind him. “It’s a pleasure to... meet you,” he stammers—it doesn’t sound quite right when he doesn’t even see or hear this woman.

“The feeling is mutual,” the man gives the smallest of smiles which doesn’t feel genuine.

“Who is she?” Naruto asks quietly.

The man’s eyes darken, and he turns away—to look at _her_. “My daughter, whom I could not save.” He sighs, shakes his head. “Is it a curse or a blessing, that I still get to see her and hear her voice, but she isn’t truly with me?”

Naruto doesn’t know.

For him, it often feels like torture, not being able to just touch Kakuzu, feel the warmth of his embrace. But he’s still glad that he’s here, that he at least can talk to him. Naruto isn’t sure he would’ve made it on his own.

“That’s all we need for the ritual,” the priest changes the topic abruptly. “Now for your main offering.”

Naruto takes a moment to gather himself. “Yeah. Right. You said I had to kill an animal.”

“Correct,” he nods. “Listen closely, you will hear them.”

Naruto hears nothing but the quiet rustling of leaves.

The priest only sighs and gestures to follow him. And so Naruto does.  
  
  
When they reach a clearing in the woods, Naruto sees a resting wolf. It looks calm, but its ears are twitching occasionally; it must be wary of its surroundings. And probably aware of them approaching, judging by how its whole body suddenly tenses.

It doesn’t move yet, though.

Naruto turns to the priest with a questioning look.

“This one will do,” he says. “It’s strong. A worthy gift for the god.”

“Yeah. Alright,” Naruto mutters. “I got it. I think.”

He doesn’t feel all that happy to kill this animal, but it has to be done.

Naruto takes a breath and steps forward, forming the Rasengan in his hand—but the man stops him.

“No.”

Naruto dissolves the already gathered chakra, giving him a confused look.

“You must use the blade to spill blood,” the man explains in a calm voice. “This is required when you make an offering.”

“A-alright,” Naruto nods slowly. “Do you... have a blade? I’ve stopped carrying those.”

He hears Kakuzu snort at that, and almost smiles. Perhaps this is somewhat short-sighted of him. You never know when you might need a weapon... even if Naruto usually doesn’t.

The man raises his eyebrows but nods and pulls out a short tanto from his sleeve. “Take this.”

So much for a harmless old man, huh.

Naruto takes the blade from him and weighs it in his hand, getting used to how it feels. He’s not a swordsman, but this isn’t a fight. He only has to kill the wolf. He’s fast enough to do it quickly.

He rushes forward, not intending to leave the wolf a chance to escape. It notices him but doesn’t manage to do much before the blade sinks into its flesh.

It’s over fast—Naruto aims to kill, not to play and torture. The wolf tries to bite him but misses, its teeth only clutching the edge of Naruto’s cloak. Its hoarse growl soon fades into a whine as it shudders and writhes, a heavy weight on Naruto’s arms.

“Impressive,” the priest comments, approaching. “I’ve never seen someone move as fast as you.”

The compliment doesn’t feel justified, and Naruto says nothing in response. He wipes the blade on the grass as well as he can and hands it back to the man, who takes it without another word.

Feeling a wave of cold come over him, Naruto looks up to see Kakuzu’s intent gaze. He forces a smile, but it doesn’t come out right, judging by how Kakuzu’s frown deepens.

“Is that all?” Naruto asks dully.

“Yes,” the priest replies. “You must take the beast to the altar and make an offering there. Come; it is best done before the sun sets.”

Naruto nods and, with an effort, picks up the wolf’s body. It’s heavy, and the blood almost immediately starts soaking his clothes, but it’s a minor inconvenience he can put up with.

“I’d help you,” Kakuzu says, “but unfortunately, I can only offer you moral support.”

Naruto shakes his head and smiles—this time more genuinely. Kakuzu is trying to reassure him, at least. “It’s alright.” And then he adds, quieter, “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Your presence does make this more tolerable,” Kakuzu replies.

Somehow, Naruto feels a little better.

***

Naruto watches silently as the priest places the candles around the altar and then lights them one by one. His lips are moving slowly, though no sound escapes them; he must be praying.

After the candles are lit, he clasps his hands together and bows slightly, then straightens and looks at them.

“The preparations are made. Now I shall leave you to it.” He turns around, about to walk away—too abruptly, as if he doesn’t want to spend another moment in their presence.

“Wait,” Naruto says hastily. “You haven’t even told us your name.” He isn’t sure why it matters; but he’d at least like to know who to thank.

There’s a long silence, until the man finally turns to face him. His eyes, light blue with no pupil, are weary and wistful.

“Call me Satoru. I have long forsaken my clan.”

“I appreciate your help, Satoru-san,” Naruto says wholeheartedly. He wishes he could say more; even if he doesn’t know whether this ritual will actually work, after such a long time of chasing shadows, it’s _something._ And this means a lot to him.

But Satoru raises his hand, stopping him. “Save your gratitude.” He nods before leaving—this time not looking back.

In the soft rays of light coming through the windows, Naruto thinks he sees a figure by his side, transparent and barely visible; but the moment he blinks, it is gone.

He isn’t even sure he really saw it.

“What is it?” Kakuzu asks, and Naruto turns to him.

“I... don’t know. I thought I saw someone,” he frowns. “I thought it was his daughter, but it was just for a second... I don’t know.”

“Well, she is next to him,” Kakuzu confirms. “But you’re not supposed to see her.”

“That’s why I’m not sure,” Naruto shakes his head. When he returns his gaze to Satoru, he’s already at the doors, and there is no one beside him.

“This place is strange,” Kakuzu says. “You should proceed with the ritual before it plays more tricks with your mind.”

“I’m still not sure if this is real,” Naruto mutters. It might be just the temple’s aura affecting him, but... “Sometimes I think I’m just dreaming.”

“Who knows.”

“Are you doing this on purpose?”

“What?” It seems like Kakuzu’s lips twitch slightly, though he doesn’t actually smile.

“Mocking me,” Naruto says. “I might just believe you’re a hallucination and do nothing, you know.”

“I don’t think it’s going to change much anyway,” Kakuzu shrugs.

“There’s a chance,” Naruto gives him a stubborn look. “To find out something, at least. And I’m not about to just give up.”

Kakuzu doesn’t reply but doesn’t argue anymore either. He moves closer to Naruto, watching as he puts the corpse of the wolf at the altar. The blood hasn’t all dried yet, and it stains the stone; Naruto half-expects something strange to happen, something like the blood soaking into the altar, but nothing of the sort happens. Perhaps he should’ve listened to less scary stories.

Naruto sighs quietly. This place fills him with vague anxiety, and he’s not sure why. Earlier, he could’ve blamed it on Satoru’s presence—he didn’t know the old priest was there, but he could sense that something was off. Now... he doesn’t know. He might just be too nervous.

He takes the herbs he’s gathered and brings them closer to one of the candles surrounding the altar. The leaves immediately catch on fire. He doesn’t know if he should place them on the corpse, near it or just hold them until they burn; eventually, he decides to go with the second option.

The mix of scents is unfamiliar, bitter and strong with hints of something sweet. It’s not unpleasant, but Naruto couldn’t care less about that. Something is supposed to happen, right?

But nothing does.

He glances at Kakuzu, waiting for him to say something like ‘I told you’, but he doesn’t. He’s looking at the flames, seemingly captivated by them, and there’s something strange in his eyes. He doesn’t seem to notice him at all.

Confused, Naruto returns his gaze to the altar.

Maybe he just has to look hard enough.

He breathes in the smell of burning herbs and blood, listens to the fire crackling and tries to see something in the flames. The shapes, the shadows, anything.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Slowly, Naruto feels his body relaxing, all thoughts fading from his head. The world around him seems to shrink, becoming so insignificant; he stares into the fire, unable to look away, until there is nothing else but it.

_“If you seek answers, make an offering.”_

_If you seek answers..._

_Answers..._

What does he want to know?

The fire dies out, and blackness surrounds him.

Then there’s a flash of light that almost blinds him; and then he sees.

_A waterfall; and he goes through it, surprisingly confident for not knowing his destination. Or does he actually know it, just not yet?_

_He’s standing in a dark room, in front of four people; their faces are blurred, the features not registering in his mind, and they’re all saying something, and their voices blend in incomprehensible noise._

_They’re suspicious of him, he knows it somehow. Finally, the man in the middle raises his hand, and the voices stop._

_He walks down the street of some village he doesn’t recognize, feeling glances at himself; distrust, apprehension, what is he going to do?_

_He doesn’t even know where he’s going._

_His vision blurs, and the image changes._

_The village is on fire. Dead bodies—four of them—on the ground._

_He sees the sky, finally clear from smoke, and a shadow hovering over him; someone’s hands are shaking him, and the familiar voice breaks in a way he’s never heard before._

_‘Naruto...’_

  
“Naruto.”

He jerks up, looking around—he’s back in the temple, and Kakuzu is here as well, looking at him with clear concern; he doesn’t try to hide it now.

Naruto rubs his forehead, taking a deep breath. He’s not sure what just happened... what he saw. A vision?

If that was supposed to give him answers, he has no idea what they are.

“I’m... fine,” he smiles faintly. “Mostly, anyway.”

“What did you see?” Kakuzu asks.

“Nothing clear,” Naruto shakes his head, stifling a sigh. “I think I heard your voice. And there were other people... I didn’t recognize them. And I went through a waterfall... to a village.” As he says that, he suddenly realizes _what_ that place could be.

Kakuzu frowns slightly but says nothing.

“Do you think we should go there? To your village. Maybe that’s where we’ll find something.” Naruto trails off, seeing the look in his eyes. “I mean... If it was Taki.”

“The passage sounds similar,” Kakuzu says dryly. “But I doubt that this vision of yours means it’s our next destination. There is nothing of value there.”

“Why did I see it, then?”

“I have no idea.” Kakuzu doesn’t look at him. “Perhaps you saw something else. Perhaps it was a metaphor. I assume _gods_ like this sort of thing.” The way he says ‘gods’ sounds as though he’s still doubting it. Naruto isn’t sure if he saw anything; maybe that’s why he’s skeptical.

“It...” Naruto hesitates, unsure if he should say that. Yes, Kakuzu is probably right in that a vision like this doesn’t have to be completely accurate. But what if it will happen? “I saw the village burn,” he finally says.

“That’s something good, for once,” Kakuzu says, surprisingly unconcerned. Of course, he’d left Taki a long time ago; somehow, this wasn’t something they ever discussed. He must have had his reasons for not wanting to talk about that.

“You hate your village so much?” Naruto still wonders.

“I despise it,” he corrects. “But that’s an old story. If you want to waste your time there, it’s not like I am able to stop you.” He raises his hands, his expression twitching slightly.

Naruto feels his throat tighten and looks away. This is exactly why he’s desperately clinging onto even the smallest chance; even when he doesn’t know if there is any way to bring Kakuzu back to life. He doesn’t even know why he still can’t let him go.

Maybe because he’s the only one he has left.

Naruto feels so selfish.

He shakes his head, takes a deep breath. For now, they really should focus on figuring out their next move.

“And you?” Naruto hopes that his voice sounds steady enough when he speaks. “Did you... see anything?”

There’s a long silence during which he doesn’t know what to think.

“You,” Kakuzu says finally, “Dying in my arms.”

Naruto blinks. What?

“This is another reason why I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Well, you just told me that the visions don’t necessarily come true.” Naruto attempts to brush it off.

“Do you think I know anything about that? Or it’s just a guess, as good as yours?” Kakuzu’s voice lowers to almost a hiss.

“And maybe I will die if we stay here,” Naruto looks stubbornly into his eyes. “Or if we return to Konoha. And besides, if that means you will live, I—”

Kakuzu covers his mouth with his hand—well, tries to. Naruto doesn’t feel any pressure, any contact, but he still feels the freezing cold, and it’s enough to make him fall silent, startled.

“I already told you.” Kakuzu closes his eyes for a moment. “ _Do not_ do anything stupid.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the only kind of thing I do,” Naruto forces a weak smile.

They’re so close now, but it seems like they’re impossibly far apart. It’s strange how he took things as simple as a touch for granted, and only realized now how important they are. And for Kakuzu, it must be even worse.

Kakuzu runs his hand along Naruto’s face, and he feels nothing. Only cold. Just like always.

Naruto lowers his head. He just can’t look at him now, too afraid of what he might see in his eyes. Judgement. Anger. Hatred. And he deserves it, but he’s still afraid.

“Sacrificing yourself might just be the most stupid thing you have ever done,” Kakuzu says finally. “Forget it.”

“Don’t you understand?” Naruto asks quietly. “I love you. I’d do anything for you to live.”

He feels the air get colder around him as Kakuzu moves closer; the closest to an embrace he’ll ever get.

“And don’t _you_ understand?” Kakuzu’s voice sounds tired and bitter.

Naruto has nothing to say. Maybe he doesn’t. To him, his own life means so little; he can’t understand how Kakuzu can still cherish it after everything that’s happened because of him.

“We won’t get anywhere with this,” Kakuzu straightens, not looking at Naruto. “I suggest we get back. You need rest.”

“And a shower.” Naruto gets up as well, suddenly feeling drained. Today has been... weird, to say the least. “I certainly don’t wanna stay here longer than I have to. This temple creeps me out.”

“Something we both agree on.” Kakuzu doesn’t smile, but his voice is softer this time.

  
They don’t talk anymore as they make their way through the temple halls, and that’s probably not so bad; Naruto doesn’t want another fight. He hopes that tomorrow they will decide what to do. They have _something_ to work with.

When Naruto thinks of dying, he isn’t afraid. He meant what he said—if it came to that, he’d be willing to give his life.

There’s only one thing he has to do first: find Himawari and make sure she’s alright. He knows that she’s changed, but he keeps stubbornly believing that there’s still a chance. That she’ll see reason.

And maybe he’s a fool to hope, but he can’t give up on her.  
  
It’s already night outside when they leave the temple. In the dark, this place feels even more unsettling, but Naruto tries to ignore this feeling.

He stops and looks back one last time.

“What is it?” Kakuzu asks.

“Nothing.” Naruto smiles a little. “Well, we’re coming back. Do you think we’ve broken the curse?”

Kakuzu shakes his head, but Naruto can see he’s holding back a smile. “I doubt there even was a curse.”

“Who knows,” Naruto shrugs.

He thinks he could probably believe anything after all that they’ve been through.

They continue walking in silence, but it’s much less tense now.

And it makes Naruto hopeful that things can still be alright—that he will find a way to fix at least some of his mistakes.


End file.
